Law of Attraction and Manifesting Your Desires

“Forgiveness is the key that can unshackle us from a past that will not rest in the grave of things over and done with. As long as our minds are captive to the memory of having been wronged, they are not free to wish for reconciliation with the one who wronged us.” Lewis B. Smedes.

For over 20 years I carried a grudge, an anger closer to hatred of my own mother. I felt totally justified and was utterly convinced I had the right to express openly this anger against what I believed was my mother absence, lack of caring, love or any motherhood feelings toward me since the death of my father. In fact I drew my strength from these things to carry on with my life.

Only a few close friends knew about it and even when I started doing my relaxation studies I never thought this issue had anything to do with my search for mental harmony and the frustration of not being able to reach it completely.

My incessant moving around this planet from a country to another brought me personal and material satisfaction but left me with an empty feeling. Like a potted tree that hasn’t yet found mother earth’s ground in which to thrive.

When I decided to come back to Canada five years ago, little did I know that it would be the beginning of a journey which would take me back in time and reunite me with my mother.

My sister had arranged for us to meet and although I wasn’t too keen to do so I accepted. I was tense, arrogant and disagreeable when we met. As my mother tried to kiss me I pulled back and simply offered my hand for a handshake.

Her first words stayed engraved in my mind and heart for the days to come when she said, “All that I want is to ask if you could forgive me for not being the mother I wish I could have been, my son, I am so sorry…”
We met again a few days later and we talked openly about our pains, hurts, sorrows and expectations. It was the first time I saw my mother as a woman and as a human being; not as before, from a child’s point of view. My father’s untimely passing away at thirty two left a beautiful young widow of twenty six years old with four children, the youngest 25 days old to take care of, a few cattle ranches and a retail business in a male-oriented society. Having only an aging father and a younger sister in Brazil, she was alone and against all odds, she succeeded in raising her family.

Compassion and understanding gave me the strength not only to forgive her, but to forgive myself for the senseless pain I inflicted myself and the guilt it carries with it.

We became very close again, and slowly the whole family seemed to come closer and closer. I soon found out that forgiveness is a positive energy that spreads much quicker than I thought. I have nephews, nieces, cousins that are now a integral positive part of my life. A new route was opening on my path and the writing of Dream Your Life Positively came an year after.

A well documented site on this subject is “A Campaign for Forgiveness Research”* where I found some important examples cited here. Each time we witness an act of forgiveness, we marvel at its power to heal, to break a seemingly unending cycle of pain.

Forgiveness is something virtually all Americans aspire to. A Gallup poll nationwide survey, 94% said it was important to forgive, but it is not something we frequently offer. (In the same survey, only 48% said they usually tried to forgive others.)

Perhaps this is because forgiveness is something we don’t fully understand, or we associate forgiveness with weakness as Friedrich Nietzsche did.

Some view forgiveness as an almost saintly quality that blesses only the very special and most certainly cannot be learned. In fact, the opposite is true, forgiveness is a sign of strength. Research conducted at the University of Wisconsin in 1997 indicates forgiveness can be taught and with positive results.

When I told a friend of mine that if she wanted to find a healthier source of strength after her separation from an abusive husband, she must forgive him before she could find her own way to happiness. “After what I have been through with that bastard? When hell freezes over…” was her answer.

I suggested she try the three affirmations below for a few weeks and see if she still felt the same way.

- I am good, compassionate and I have now the strength to forgive.

- I deserve to be happy and successful.

- I am now ready to receive more love, support and wealth from the vast supply of the universe.

After two weeks of affirmations she told me that the most difficult thing was to think of him and all the bad incidents. The pain, despair and guilt would come back but she now understood that she wanted to be able to forgive and in her prayers she asked God to help her to forgive.

I knew then she had found her path.

According to Professor Douglas Kelley of Arizona State University West, the key to long-term conjugal bliss may be in how well a couple communicates forgiveness.

” Forgiving is not condoning; hurtful actions have consequences. Yet couples who communicate forgiveness may hold the key to stable marriages. What makes some marriages last a lifetime, while others falter and fall apart? These days the notion of equality, an eye for an eye, is prominent,” says Kelley. “That makes forgiveness counter-intuitive - but at the same time a lot of people who don’t call themselves religious or spiritual are forgiving one another. Is it because they sense that they will reap the benefits of forgiving for years to come, or is there some other motive?”

In the end, Kelley hopes that embracing and communicating forgiveness can provide a sense of well-being and stability for couples living in an increasingly stressed society.

Forgiving doesn’t change what has past, neither does it justify or makes it all right. It allows you to focus on your life from a pain free emotional state. The past no longer makes you cringe, cry or swear. Forgiveness simply helps you to let go of that negative baggage and makes a place for all the positive things you wish to have.

I know a lot of people who after a lover’s break up or a friend’s betrayal have vowed “I will never let anyone hurt me like that again.” It is quite justifiable, this is your survival instinct, a protective shield taking over, but be careful that this shield will also prevent you from connecting with new people and eventually making new friends.

This is a negative living, and most people are not even aware of it. Forgiveness is letting go of that negative emotional baggage and starting on a new path stronger than before.

It is very difficult, I know, to accept the fact that someone you loved and trusted, who have betrayed and stabbed you in the back, deserves your forgiveness.

When I lost a best friend of 25 years to what I thought was petty gossip, I was devastated and questioned the sincerity of her friendship all these years.

After forgiving her I can now look back and laugh at the good moments we had together. Sincerity is no longer a question, my love for her is the same, but I no longer need to see, speak or interact with her. Our roads just took different directions, that’s all.

Make an assessment of the people in your life, and the ones who are gone. What are your feelings about them? Is there someone you feel “I dislike (or hate) that SOB” either for personal reasons or because of malicious gossips? Or is there someone you distanced from and in your book is unforgivable?

You are carrying a heavy negative emotional baggage. Get rid of it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE if you want the good energy of a positive living to reach you.

An important, well documented and proven factor is that your anger, hurt and pain not only will affect the way you communicate with others, but eventually will exclude you from social contact. Your self worth is constantly being questioned and if you don’t take action it will eventually breakdown.

“Forgiveness allows one to overcome a situation that would otherwise be a major source of stress, both mentally and neurobiological. Forgiveness is thought to dramatically change the individual’s biological homeostatic equilibrium. He will assess the neurobiological response associated with forgiveness and unforgiving-ness.” Study of the Brain Functional Correlates of Forgiveness in Humans -Pietro Pietrini, M.D., Ph.D., Pisa – Italy.

Forgiveness benefits both, but you the most, because you left the negative baggage behind. You are now ready to receive the positive force, energy, love, wealth and success the universe have in store for you.
The other person doesn’t even needs to know, it is irrelevant. Neither do you have to bring that person into your life or closer circle any more. What matters is your thoughts and therefore your actions. If it is clean, clear and positive, so will your life, your friends and your future be.

“Forgiveness is both a decision and a real change in emotional experience. That change in emotion is related to better mental and physical health.”

Everett L. Worthington, Jr., Ph.D. Executive Director, A Campaign For Forgiveness Research.
From a decade-old grudge against the third-grade bully to deep-seated rage against a cheating spouse, millions of Americans harbor long-term grievances. Dr. Carl Thoresen, a professor at Stanford University, and his colleague, Dr. Fred Luskin, are exploring whether the unresolved anger that blights many people’s lives can be alleviated with the help of an age-old concept: forgiveness. Together, the pair launched a comprehensive research project: The Stanford Forgiveness Study. Thoresen and Luskin hope the impact of their work will be preventative as well as therapeutic.

“It’s our hope that family and school violence, including shootings, road rage, gang violence and workplace conflict will be diminished - if not avoided - if more people understand the role that forgiveness can play in interpersonal relations,” says Thoresen, “It takes courage and commitment to act in a more forgiving fashion. It’s not at all a sign of weakness but a mark of strength.”

Dr. Carl Thoresen is a professor of Education, Psychology and Psychiatry at Stanford University. Dr. Fred Luskin is a research associate at the Stanford Center for Research in Disease Prevention.

Have a great journey
Ton Pascal

Tags: compassion, forgiveness, happiness, Positive Affirmations, Positive Thinking, Spirituality

Teaches you how to forgive, step by step. Forgiveness allows you to upgrade how you feel about your past, and get on happily with your life.

The past cannot be undone. What you change is how you feel about it.

Make The Change Happen

How are you going to do it, my friend? You’re all done feeling wretched all the time, you know forgive does not mean forget, you are soooo ready, but you need a plan. Read on, my friend, and find out how to get the benefits of forgiveness for yourself. Right now.

Guilt and Hatred Are Killers

Ask any doctor. Stress is a killer. This is because your body and mind are a continuum. In other words, although they are not entirely the same, a great overlap exists that unites them. Relieve your mental stress and your body will be happier too. Nothing relieves mental stress like forgiveness. Guilt and hatred resolve nothing; they just sustain the negativity that continues to obstruct you from your goals. Forgiveness, on the other hand, undoes the stickiness that binds you to an unhappy past.

Does It Work?

Absolutely - for you. Since the forgiveness experience will happen only for you, only you will receive its benefits. Your forgiveness may not influence a change in the behavior of others one bit. But it’s not about them. It’s about you. Forgiveness is about generating your own healing. You are the only player in your life over whom you have all the power. It’s time to exercise your personal power, your right to choose to feel better about who you are, your right to process your past and move on with your life.

It’s a Private Thing

Since forgiving is all about you getting your own heart clear, it’s best done in the privacy of your own mind. Afterwards you’ll have the choice of telling others, if you like, but initially the process works best in solitude. Tell no one, just do the work. And watch how easy it is to feel better all day every day. Contrast this to the fact that all the pity parties in the world with your friends and relatives never made you feel better one bit. Those tactics don’t work because they don’t process emotions, they merely create a feedback loop that deepens the groove of the pain. Since you know that what you used to do didn’t work, it’s time to do what does.

Forgive in Steps

Like a pyramid, forgiveness may seem overwhelming at first, but it’s easily accomplished step by step. So begin by recognizing that there are three sections:

.forgiveness of others
.self-forgiveness
.receiving forgiveness from others

And these can be further broken down into nicely manageable chunks.

Forgiveness of Others

When you forgive others in categories, it proceeds more easily. For example, you could choose to use the categories of Strangers, Friends, Family, The People who Hurt You The Most, and Anybody Else. You may include additional categories like Exlovers, Neighbors, Coworkers, Employees, etc., and some forgivers need to add the category of Humanity Itself. And you can start with the categories you find easiest. Once you notice how good it feels to forgive, this will inspire you to forgive everyone as much as possible, as fully as you can.

Self Forgiveness

In this step, start with your earliest years and ascend: Newborn, three year old, five year old, ten year old, teenager, 20s, etc., and on up to your current age, forgiving yourself thoroughly for absolutely everything as you go. Once you get to your current age, forgive yourself for your whole life. Remember, all humans are flawed. No one is a perfect son or daughter, man or woman, husband or wife, student or teacher, worker or boss. You are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. Forgiveness is an optimal method to process your learnings.

Receiving Forgiveness from Others

In the privacy of your own mind, visualize then apologize to folks you’ve wronged, and let them accept your apology. It may surprise you to learn that others really want to forgive you. They do. So let them forgive you and receive the cleansing of that forgiveness. Afterwards, with some people, you may elect to actually apologize to them in person, but proceed carefully. There are a few folks in the world who can not accept apologies in real life, and this is why you process all of your apologies in your mind’s eye thoroughly first, so that you get the emotional benefit of having apologized whether those apologies get accepted in real life or not.

Forgive by Percentages in Repeated Attempts

Can you forgive the people who hurt you the most 10%? 20%? 80%? 99.9%? It’s not all or nothing. Ease on up to higher and higher percentages, always aiming for 100% forgiveness, but being real with yourself. If the people who hurt you the most are not 100% forgiveable on your first attempt, continue forgiving them bit by bit till you get as close to full forgiveness as possible. Start with a realistic percentage, then increase your forgiveness on subsequent attempts, always aiming for 100%. Just do your best.

Forgiving People Versus Events

It can be one thing to forgive individual people, and can yet be quite another thing to forgive the things those people did. What to do? Forgive the events and actions as they come to mind. As you think of instance after instance, forgive everyone involved as best you can for everything that happened.

Is There An Easier Way?

Yes, there is an easier way. “The Forgiveness Pyramid” CD takes you through all the steps in under an hour. Using emotive visualization, you’ll be able to have the full forgiveness experience privately, in your own time, in your own home. You are unique, and may find that some steps in the “Forgiveness Pyramid” require repeated listening for full relief. And full relief is what you want.

Tags: anger, forgiveness, hatred, healing, Life, mental stress, negativity, personal power

We are blessed to live in a time when more and more options for wellness are available to us. Along with what we call “conventional medicine”, we have alternatives such as chiropractics, acupuncture, reiki, yoga and homeopathic options. More and more MDs are utilizing combinations of both conventional and alternative medicine, making it easier to not only get well, but stay well. THIS is a beautiful thing!

Recently, having had the challenge of a severe physical malady to contend with, and being a person who believes (and practices) alternative medicine, I had the frightening realization that this time I might have to consult with an MD as nothing else was working. I shall spare you the details of the malady as I feel it has little (or no) bearing on the end result. In any event, after exhausting all alternative options (and pretty much my bank account) I decided it was time for me to open my mind and consider going to a doctor to see what they had to say about it. The moment I was given their diagnosis, I knew it was incorrect and was left feeling disappointed, irritated and running low on hope. What to do now?

After several conversations with people close to me, there were a few things that kept coming up over and over. One was that whatever it was that was causing the pain in my body was a direct result of an imbalance, not only in my physical being, but also in my spirit. In other words, the physical manifestations were a RESULT of what was going on at a much deeper level. Of course, I knew instinctively that these observations were correct. I’ve always believed that “dis-ease” is just that: a body NOT at ease with one’s spirit. The question was WHAT was my imbalance? What had I ignored that had resulted in such an intense physical manifestation?

The next thing that was presented was the idea of FORGIVENESS. Over and over these people who know me, love me and have been in my “tribe” for a long, long time kept saying things like, “You must forgive. You must forgive all those who may have hurt you in the past and, most importantly, you MUST forgive your SELF.” Another truth that resonated with me so fully that there was no way I could ignore it any. Again, another question arose: What am I NOT forgiving in myself? How is it that this is so deeply rooted that I am unable to see it?

So began my quest. I was determined to investigate this thing called forgiveness and find what it was I was either refusing or unable to see. I was absolutely certain that if I could identify this thing I would be on a path to wellness and get my life back. Easy to say. Not so much “do”. The journey I began at that point was to be filled with many moments of confusion, anger, despair and complete surrender. There were days when I couldn’t even get out of bed, the pain was so intense. I would lie there in a fetal position, aching and sobbing and praying for mercy. I even had a few moments when I really thought I was going to die from the pain (or wished that I would). For someone with my spirit, this was as shocking as it was terrifying. But somehow, with the loving help of my tribe, I managed to get through those moments and live to see another day. Some days were certainly better than others, but the overall experience was one of excruciating pain and paralyzing fear that I wouldn’t make it through.

Slowly, with fierce determination, I began to practice quiet meditations, asking for guidance to see what I was not seeing and to be shown the way to forgive myself. I honestly didn’t know HOW to forgive myself, as I didn’t know what TO forgive. I couldn’t seem to identify it. I gathered up all my journals and read them to see if perhaps there might be some clues. I looked at photos, trying to locate whatever it was that I was holding myself hostage over. I did a LOT of praying!

And then, without really realizing what was happening, I came to the conclusion that “identifying” this thing was not the issue. It didn’t matter at all WHAT I was forgiving myself for, all that mattered was that I did. You know that expression “forgive and forget”? Well, apparently I’d done it in reverse. I’d forgotten whatever it was but had failed to forgive. So I began a little exercise that turned out to be quite a remarkable tool. I would stand in front of a mirror every day, and look into the eyes of the person staring back. I would say over and over, “I love you. I forgive you. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” And even though, when I began doing this the words were hollow and without emotion, I began to notice that after a very short time they were actually touching me. I would do this exercise for 5 minutes and by the time I finished, I’d have tears in my eyes and could actually FEEL what I was saying to my Self. It was kind of weird. But it worked!

I offer this very personal experience to you now because it completely transformed my life. I am no longer the angry, defensive person I once was. I am much more kind, patient and tolerant of myself and of other people. I have all but eliminated the criticism that was once so prevalent in my life. I have come to terms with who I am and have actually fallen in love with this person. It’s a strange place to be, considering where I was before all this happened. But I am utterly grateful for having had the experience. When people tell you that it took nearly dying to learn how to live, they’re tellling you the truth. Even though my “condition” was not life-threatening in the literal sense, it WAS life transforming. The butterfly has emerged. Forgiveness was the key. And it is my greatest hope that you will find truth in my story and use it to forgive yourself every single day. Do it NOW before YOUR body responds to the emotional toxins. Living in forgiveness is a miracle elixir. Take it while you can!

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Camille Olivia Strate is an author, entrepreneur and critter-keeper who lives by the mantra “Joy is a choice. Choose Joy!” She enjoys sharing her life experiences to help other folks enhance their own lives, and believes strongly in Paying It Forward. She is also on a mission to find the perfect pasture to accomodate all the pretty horses in need of rescue. Her latest book, “Whispers” is expected to be available in the Spring of 2008. www.genuineintentions.com

Tags: acupuncture, alternative medicine, forgiveness, healing, homeopathic, physical manifestations, Yoga