May 12 2009
LOVE that Liberates vs. “Love” that Enslaves
I find this article very inspiring and agree 100% with how the author distinguished the two kinds of love. I have been enslaved by “love” but it was also love that liberated me. I think many people have gone through the same experience. To those who are in love, and those who are broken-hearted, please read this article.
This article is owned and copyrighted by Maria Seferou. Her short biography appears at the end of the article. To Maria Seferou, thank you for this wonderful article. -Joann
There is no doubt that love is the highest virtue in human interrelationships and the mother of all virtues. It is the spiritual cement that holds the world together, and the basic ingredient of happiness both for the giver as well as the recipient. But we must distinguish between genuine love and fake love. There is love that liberates and “love” that binds, love that edifies the soul and uplifts the spirit, and fake love that becomes an attachment, seeking to control and enslave the recipient, demanding blind submission.
There is healthy love and “love” that becomes almost a torture, a psychological sickness. Healthy love has its roots in our Spirit and it springs forth from our heart, while fake love stems from our instincts and inflated ego, which it seeks to gratify. Real love is the greatest fruit of the Spirit within, but feigned love is the product of insecurity and selfishness, and it begets jealousy, a very destructive vice. Sound love expects nothing, but carnal love expects too much in return. Whole love goes hand-in-hand with wisdom and truth, but fake love deceives. Genuine love is rare, although we are often deceived into believing that we truly love.
It is to our benefit to distinguish between spiritual love and carnal love. The difference between them is striking. But how many of us are interested in detecting and transforming our carnal love into the highest form of love? How many of us, and how often are we consciously endeavoring to offer true love to fellow human beings? How difficult is this? It is certainly not easy at all, and it often hurts… Some said that healthy love is an art; indeed it is the greatest art, but just like every art, it requires inspiration!
Knowing how to truly love does not come by studying and following a set of rules. Head knowledge won’t take us very far with love, but spiritual enlightenment and heart transformation will. Spiritual love is spontaneous, but carnal love is subtly calculated to serve one’s own interests. We cannot work for true love to manifest in us; it comes only when our heart is ready for it. It just springs forth and, as a divine force, it heals whomsoever it touches. And, behold, the more we offer true love the more it grows in perfection. As we share it with others, it increases within us and we have it in abundance. The fountain of true love never dries up. Genuine love is also peaceful and peacemaking. Oh, how does our violent and hatred-tormented world need the divine touch of pure LOVE!
Love is the heart of Christian teaching. I am sure when Jesus preached love he was talking about spiritual, i.e. unselfish love. He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” (John 13:34) However, contrary to the popular belief that love was Jesus’ new commandment, we also find similar exhortations to love one another in the Old Testament. Just to put the records straight, I shall quote a few verses from the O.T. that refer to love: “You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.” (Lev. 19: 18)
Here is another O.T. instruction to love each other that includes the aliens: “This is what the Lord of hosts says: ‘Administer true justice, show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor; and let none of you device evil against his brother in your heart’.” (Zech. 7: 9-10) Love should embrace even the strangers: “He (God) executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing. Love the stranger therefore; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Deut. 10: 18-19) It is amazing that the highest spiritual standards of love were put forward even in the O.T. era, when the “eye for an eye” practice was prevalent! “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart”, says Solomon. (Prov. 3: 3) True love can only be “written” on the “tablet” of one’s heart! But King Solomon went even further: “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (Prov. 10:12) Here we have a hint to forgiveness, so familiar in Jesus’ teaching!
Could, peradventure, too much love harm anyone? Yes, definitely! If love is given indiscriminately and unwisely to a person, whether a spouse, one’s children, or friend, then it harms both the giver and the recipient of love. It spoils the recipient by nurturing his/her vanity and ingratitude, and it drains the giver. While the giver is totally unselfish and does not expect anything in return, with his/her sacrificial love one blocks the path of the recipient towards spiritual progress and emotional maturity and stability. On the other hand, the giver is breaking the sovereign law of reciprocity and neglects his/her duty to also love him/herself.
The instruction given by Jesus is: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mat. 22:39) Not loving oneself is neither spiritual nor beneficial, as it emotionally starves one’s soul. We need to first love ourselves in order to be able to love others in an edifying way. We must take proper care of our physical, emotional and spiritual needs in order to be able to offer healthy love to others. There must be a balance. Even Jesus, a giant of love, expected gratitude when he healed the10 lepers. Here is the relevant account: “And as he entered a village, he was met by ten lepers, who stood at a distance and lifted up their voices, saying, ‘Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.’ When he saw them he said to them, ‘Go and show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went they were cleansed. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus’ feet, giving him thanks. And he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus answered, ‘Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine?’” (Luke 17: 12-17)
Which are the fundamental characteristics of true love? St. Paul gave a most beautiful short treatise on love in his 1st Epistle to Corinthians. For the sake of completeness of this article, I shall quote those verses, although, I am sure they are familiar to most people who have a basic knowledge of the Bible.
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is longsuffering, and is kind; love does not envy, is not impertinent, and it does not boast; love is not rude, does not seek her own, is not irritable, and does not think evil; love does not delight in injustice but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends;(…)” (1 Cor. 13: 1-8a)
When I first came across the above verses, I wondered how anyone could deliver one’s body to be burned or give away all one’s possessions without having love… Apparently, this is possible. One could be doing it out of selfish motives, and this is not genuine love. True love penetrates every particle of one’s body, and expresses itself in faith, unselfishness, kindness, forgiveness, patience, longsuffering, meekness, tranquility, hopefulness, endurance, and primarily wisdom! This should be the ideal and the goal of every enlightened person: to be perfected in love. If we truly love, we will avoid offending and harming anyone, for we do not like to grieve a fellow human being. So, perfect love, which, by the way, drives out fear, also prevents us from transgression. Wouldn’t we all desire to be harmless to others?
In this article, I purposely avoided referring to the first part of Jesus’ great commandment, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Mat 22:37), as I am trying to reach with the message of love even the atheists. Besides, how can we practically show our love to God? It is only through loving fellow humans, even our enemies, since God lives in all. This is why St. John wrote: “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) Yet, to my understanding, loving God means loving our higher Self within and surrendering our will to the will of the Spirit within, which is the essence of God in us. The problem, however, is how to accurately discern the “still small voice” of the Spirit within. Unfortunately, people can be deceived by many ‘voices’, all seemingly coming from within, and be led to destruction. But this is a different subject…
Author:
Maria Seferou was born in an agricultural family of Dendron, a small village of Peloponnese, Greece. She studied Civil/Structural Engineering at National Technical University of Athens and had a successful 20-year professional career both in Greece and in England. For the last 22 years she has been a writer of non-fiction books and articles on religious, philosophical, political and social issues.
